Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize