Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
