i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize