Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
