alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
