if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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