i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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