So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
