genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
