just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
