shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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