with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
