omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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