just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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