Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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