i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
