I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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