Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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