Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
