Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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