i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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