Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
zippers are such a cool invention
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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