Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
