i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
