Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
