you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
you had me at cake vodka
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize