he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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