You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
