hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
