ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
