I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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