i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
