it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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