Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
oh god was she eating orange peels again
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
