remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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