I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize