His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
