you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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