So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
