quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
