I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
