peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
