At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
