im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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