Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
