fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
