at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize