His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
