I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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