When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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