i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
