I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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