It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
