She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize