Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize