Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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