dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
