at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
