"it" just moved
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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