If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
