That's when you crack a 10am beer
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
