I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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