i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
It was confusing and full of hummus
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize