Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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