So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Are we still banned from the library?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
They are going to name an STD after you.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
