Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
