I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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