I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
