I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize