White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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