I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
