I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Randomize
