I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
