perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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