walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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