GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
