Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I didn't notice because vodka
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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