Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
