3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
