Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
