I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
