so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
