Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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