I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
