Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I bet he comes in French.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
