He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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