I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
