y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
