on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
