JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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