There is no way he is gay with that hair.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
