i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
