meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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