I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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