Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize