i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
