I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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