Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Randomize
