Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
