I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
