After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize