In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
