It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
PANTIES FOUND
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
