Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I hate all girls vehemently.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
