dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
